[FANFIC] Shakespeare

[macymace]

uhm, as you might have noticed, i am rarely active. that's because of school. so i might post fics but i don't think i can reply to comments fast. sorry bout that. i think i'm missing so many things in the fandom as well so forgive me if i post fics that aren't up to date with reality. /whacked. ;w;

Title: Shakespeare
Character: Morimoto Ryutaro
Author: macy
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, Slice of Life
AN:
- for my sister, saima14. hai, it's all about your nii-san~ thank you for the birthday gift. lol (it's a fic she made. xDD)
- unbetaed, rushed, poem-ish. /whacked



Ryuu's POV

I remember it very clearly.

That day of our audition.

How little I was back then. How innocent and hopeful.

The judges praised me after my audition. I was happy.

But still, I was very nervous.

I wanted so much to pass the audition. It was what my mom wishes for.

But then I noticed that they praised the other kids as well, just like how they praised me.n

And I realized that they were just being kind to kids like us.

I hated adults for that.

Thinking that they were being nice by not telling the truth.

But a lie is a lie. A lie is never better a truth.

I watched all the other kid's auditions.

They gave almost uniform comments and praise to all the kids.

Except to one.

I heard them call him 'Yamada'.

I saw them nod in approval as he danced and sang.

I felt my heart plummet.

It was the end of my mom's dream. My dream.

They announced who passed the audition. They said they would only be choosing one of us.

I already expected it, but I still felt like crying when they said Yamada's name.

I had stood up intending to go home just then.

But suddenly,

"...and Morimoto Ryutaro. You two passed the audtion."

When I was sure of losing, I won.

Being in the entertainment industry was no piece of cake.

It's difficult even for the adults.

So for someone's who's only twelve years old, it was just too much.

Whatever I may say in interviews, I knew that I wasn't normal.

I can't just go and play whenever I want cause I need to practice my dance.

I can't stay up late to watch TV cause I have work the next morning.

I can't rest even if I'm exhausted cause there's still work to do.

I can't stop because I have to reach to my bandmates.

It was stressing.

It was exhausting.

Sometimes I wished I never entered this world.

I always wonder what I would have been doing if I never passed the audition.

I always wonder what really is 'normal.'

It was suffocating.

It made me think stupid things. Do stupid things.

I regretted it then, but I couldn't think of anything to do to cope.

I tried smoking.

When I needed people the most, no one was there for me.

Somehow, I got used to this world.

And I found myself enjoying every minute of my work.

'I'm happiest when I'm working'

I've said that a lot of times. And it was perfectly true.

I finally appreciate my job.

My job was to give dreams to other people. I was very fortunate to have the chance to do that.

Through the years, I learned to be strong.

Stronger and stronger I became as I learned new things, experienced new things.

And each time, the other JUMP members were also there for me.

Our bonds became stronger.

I had found friendship in them.

It was ironic that as I became stronger, they were also there to say that I didn't need to be.

Cause I have them.

When I learned to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on.

Slowly, we rise to the top.

I know we earned it, for all the hard work we put in through the years.

With the ten of us, it was much fun. We give our best, but because it was the ten of us, we could somehow relax as well.

I was still a bit insecure.

I think I'll forever have an inferiority complex from my friends.

I've always thought that they were older, more talented, more skillful.

I know they don't treat me inferior, but I just can't help it.

I try to overcome these insecurities by answering to them.

I think they know that, too, cause they just let me.

Slowly, I build up my self-esteem. And finally I can act naturally during shows and performance.

I was dreaming bigger dreams.

I felt that with JUMP, we can reach many goals.

But then it happened.

June, 29, 2011.

And just like a pop, everything disappeared.

When I got enough confidence, the stage was gone.

I felt cheated by life.

I knew it was my own fault, but I couldn't help but feel resentment towards the world.

I didn't want to see JUMP after what happened.

It hurts to think that I wasn't part of them anymore.

It was painful to be reminded of what could have been if I wasn't so stupid.

I started hating everything to do with JUMP.

I couldn't even stand seeing them or hearing any news about them.

I grew distant with Shin as well. He was living reminder of what I could have been.

But more than anything...

I hated that I was so stupid.

I hated that I hurt my friends, and my family.

I hated that the reason that my dream was finished was myself.

I hated myself.

And when I mastered the skill of hating...

"Sorry." I automatically said when I bumped into someone.

I aimlessly walked to the park. I was a bit distracted so I didn't see her.

Her things scattered on the ground. I crouched down and helped her pick them up.

I wasn't planning on staying but when I saw her face, I couldn't move to go.

A tear fell from her eye.

"I'm so sorry. Were you hurt?" I asked, guiltilly. I knew her, she was a fellow idol.

"No." She said quickly, hastily wiping her tears.. "It wasn't your fault." She said. I knew she recognized me as well.

There was a pause. I didn't really know what I should say.

But she continued talking after a while, as if obligated to explain.

"It wasn't because of you... I... I wasn't having a good day. And I was just sad, I guess. One member of my group, Saki, she graduated last week. And I guess adding to everything, I just miss her." She said. I didn't know why she was being so honest. Normally I would have been annoyed, but I wasn't. Rather, I felt sad.

"Sorry." She suddenly said. "Did I say something to offend you?"

She was perceptive.

"No. I... I guess that's great... your friendship, I mean." I rather said. "You seem very close."

She smiled. "We are." She said.

I didn't say anything in return.

"What is it?" She said this time. I guess she could easily read me.

I didn't know what had gotten into me that day. Normally, I would just brush it off and excuse myself. I mean, we were complete strangers. We only knew each other because both of us were idols (Well, former idol in my case). But that time I found myself being honest with her as well.

"I'm a bit jealous, I guess. Well, you know what happened to me..." I trailed off.

She looked at me for a while.

"I... Maybe I'm not in the right place to say this, but I think they miss you too. Just like we miss Saki."

I laughed harshly, hating myself for getting into this conversation.

"They wouldn't." I said flatly. "It's not like your friend did something stupid like me. They must hate me now." I said, not really knowing why these was all coming out.

"Don't think that's true." She said gently. "Friends... I think that even if you make a mistake, they wouldn't desert you. They may get angry, but a friend is not capable of hating. That's what I think."

I didn't reply. Her words were slowly sinking in my head.

"I miss Saki. But we're friends. Our friendship isn't limited to just our work. I might cry, missing her at times but I know she's still just there. So I'm okay."

She stood up then. I didn't even realize we were still on the floor. I hastily stood up as well.

"Uhm," She said awkwardly. "Fukuda Kanon." She introduced, offering a hand.

I took it. "Morimoto Ryutaro."

She smiled at me. "I hope you and your friends will soon be okay as well."

That was the start of our unexpected friendship.

I found myself going to her whenever I was feeling down. She had a way with words. I always enjoy our conversations. She was very frank but it wasn't disconcerting. Her friendship was a comfort for me. She was always there for me. And I found myself longing more and more for her company.

Maybe she just had a way with me.

...somebody started loving me.

"Kanon! Kanon!" I called out to her as she passed by their school's gates.

She looked around til she saw me.

I waved and ran towards her excitedly.

"Ryuu-kun---"

I hugged her out of sheer happiness. She was so small I didn't realize I've already lifted her off the ground.

She was surprised but she laughed. "What is it? What happened?"

Trying to calm myself, I gently put her down and grinned sheepishly.

"They called me back." I said in a loud voice. I couldn't help myself. "They haven't announced it officially, but I'm coming back. As a JUMP. Keito and the others were so excited all of them actually went to my house to say it to me personally." I said, laughing in so much happiness and relief.

It was her turn to hug me. "Oh my gosh! This is so great! Omedeto!!" She said as she hugged me tighter.

I laughed. She was too happy for me. I leaned into the hug, feeling very much contended just then.

"Ah, I have to go back." I said after a while. "My friends must be wondering where I am. They must be shocked I suddenly ran out the house after they told me their news."

"Ehh?" Kanon said, looking at me. "Baka!" She laughed.

This is life.

AN:
- the bolded lines are quotes from Shakespeare, hence the title. :)



Thanks for reading! :D